Modern American Innovation

Or maybe it's Japanese, I can't be sure. The US of A is almost certainly in competition with Japan for the right to own the most honorable title of Premiere Gadget Global Superpower. As i am not famililar with cultures of the east, other than their natural predisposition towards achievement and nintendos, I will focus on the most important monthly publication in this fair nation of ours- THE BROOKSTONE CATALOGUE.

Nintendo (popular gift item) 

As the gift season approaches, you had better get ready to fill your hearts with great gift ideas from those most American of innovators: the Brookstone people. Follow me as I take you through a tour of the best of the best in modern American living.

Looking for all of the workout of horseback riding without the stable fees? We have your answer right here with the iGallop.

This time saving, money saving, space saving piece of outstanding exercise equipment will get you that Paul Revere body and you might be crying "The British are coming!" but fitness will already be right at your doorstep. With three speeds of pelvic gyration, you had better believe that your groin will thank you when you're done with this workout. Without hesitation, you must act on this opportunity of a lifetime. The "i" in "iGallop" implies health and is assurance that your $299 will go straight to your inner thighs. It's THE femoral work out for 2008.

Still can't get your iFix for this holiday season? Well take another look guy because you're checking out your ipod on a 9  ft television attached to your face.

You'll be the envy of the neighborhood with your Vuzix iWear Glasses for iPod. Take an afternoon, use your glasses in a hammock or on the road with the kids. Now you can watch your favorite episodes of hit television like Bionic Women and Chris Angle for just $349.95 plus cost of television program ($1.99 per episode) and iPod ($500). You try and buy a 9 ft. television and tell me the cost, I think you just might be in the market for iWear Glasses.

Now that you are in the business of time and space saving, might I suggest a little something to spice up the kitchen. Take a look at SmartShopper Grocery List Assistant. Its voice-recognition actually logs your shopping list as you shout it at the wall! This will make your shopping experience infiniately easier even with the grocery item "Are my keys in here?" appearing on the list eight times.

And to clean up, might I suggest the Cleanse Light? You heard right my friend! It's a light that cleans! The Cleanse Light eliminates up to 99.97% of certain fungus and bacteria; most likely the most dangerous of fungus and bacterias which can be eliminated by light. You don't want to miss out on this hot ticket item. Your family's health depends on it.

These are but a taste of the entire Brookstone Catalogue. Do yourself, and your family, a favor and get on that mailing list because i can promise you that this Christmas, you won't be sorry. Watch Comedy Show. 

The maniaTV Holiday Party: Holiday Party 2.0

As i do every morning at work, I've taken it upon myself to attempt to vastly improve my work environment. I've been working at maniaTV for about two and a half years now and I see some room for improvement. My revelation for this morning is that there is every reason in the world to call our hosts "Maniacs". I sit in disbelief when i think how we haven't done that already. It sounds totally boss and infinitately more professional. Try "Maniac Cyber Jocky Megan" or "Game Maniac Rob". Ideas like this one are always best serviced with a Comedy Show example: "Comedy Show presented by AT&T with your hosts Maniac Jon and Maniac Brendon".

Example: Maniac Host Joe Don Baker 

Put that item on your to-do-list maniaTV. I haven't steered you wrong before and 'm certainly not about to start any time before Christmas.

I was in the middle of this fantastic development when I suddenly recieved an inner-office Evite. What's an Evite you ask? Well sire, that's a good god-damned question.

I've never done well with responding internetly to things and this was no exception. I really cocked this one up and I still don't really understand how this Evite works (does the "E" stand for "electronic" or "excellence"?). In any event, from what I can gather from all the buttons and options is that maniaTV is throwing a holiday celebration and you had better believe that's for Christmas and nothing else on account of the religious intolerence I'm assuming exists here. That could be a problem for me because I've heard that we are all going to have to take communion and drink the blood of christ in the server room and eat the body of christ in the form of Ethernet cables and LaCie hard drives. If you are wondering, I'll tell you right away that you do not absorb the information inside a hard drive upon ingestation.

LaCie Hard Drive 

The mandatory compliance and worship of Supreme Chancellor Lord Internet should have been mentioned in this Evite but that's how they get you. It's like Scientology in that sense- it's all about fixing your personal problems first. It's a brave new world here on the other side! Next Friday should, at the very least, be over stocked because I accidentally put down a +42 next to my name and I don't think I know 42 people who don't work here already. This will be known throughout the life of this company as the year of the Lil' Smokey. Or, at least if I have anything to do with it.

God of the Internet (and total prick).

The receptionist just refilled her candy basket. I've got to get in on some of that.

-Brendon